This past month, Ed and I celebrated one year of marriage (cue air horn fanfare)!
Before we were married, some people told us that the first year of marriage was going to be the hardest…and then some other people told us that it was going to be the easiest. I’m not certain if either one of those statements is entirely true for every couple.
I believe every marriage is different and circumstances beyond one’s control sometimes determine how the first year of marriage will go. However, I determined before we got married that I was going write out lessons I learned during our first year to figure out which group of people was actually correct.
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What I did find out, along with those ten things I learned, is that you can’t really know if the first year is the easiest or the hardest until you have been married for a several years.
So, instead of trying to help you determine if your first year of marriage is going to be easy breezy or be a little tougher than expected, I’m just going to leave you with a few pieces of advice instead.
Here are ten things I learned during my first year of marriage.
1. We Are One…Not a Team
This one might ruffle a few feathers at first, but just let me explain myself. The Bible says in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
The union that a husband and wife have once they get married is intended to be closer than any other human relationship. Stronger than that of a team, a partnership, a friendship. They become one!
2. People Are Going to Give You Poor Marriage Advice.
Whether you ask for it or not, people are going to give you marriage advice – some really helpful and some very poor.
We’ve gotten “advice” that we should never go to bed angry – which is good advice. But they added that even if you need to stay up until 4 AM arguing to reach a compromise, you should. I have also heard that if you don’t argue enough in your marriage, that you “don’t have good communication.” (What???)
People are going to offer unsolicited marriage advice – it’s your job to filter everything you hear through the Word of God and decide what is pleasing to God and what’s not.
3. Cling to Jesus and Each Other in the Hard Times
Jesus should ALWAYS be at the center of your marriage, but sometimes it’s hard to cling to Jesus and your spouse when life is spinning out of control.
We had a difficult circumstance during our first year that wasn’t necessarily marriage related, but it was a total life change for us. Even through that hard time of solely trusting in God, Ed and I got closer through the trial.
4. Go to Bed at the Same Time (if you can!).
Going to bed at the same time wasn’t something we necessarily made a decision about – it just sort of happened. And now I wouldn’t change it at all.
It’s part of our routine, and it gives us a chance to unwind and talk about things that happened during the day. It helps us stay in sync and sometimes it helps us get enough sleep each night (when we don’t stay up too late watching a movie or talking!)
5. Never Stop Studying About Marriage and Learning New Ways to Improve It.
I am a firm believer that it is important to monitor the health of the marriage because to a married person it is the most important human relationship.
Just like it’s important to study God’s Word and learn more about Him, it is important to study about marriage and learn more ways to strengthen it. I love reading books, blog posts, and articles and listening to podcasts about marriage. I love it so much that I have included a FREE resource of over 60 marriage related resources for you to download at the end of this post!
6. Ignore People Who Insist You Will Grow Out of the “Hand-Holding Stage.”
This sort of goes along with people offering poor marriage advice, but it’s a little different.
I used to be a little offended when older people said that I got married “too young,” but now it doesn’t bother me. Those same people tried to convince us that after a year or so, the newness of marriage would wear off, and we would be repulsed by each other and wouldn’t want to spend time together or hold hands in public anymore. I decided I would just ignore that negativity.
I know plenty of couples who have been married for over twenty years who still hold hands and love spending time with each other, and I would rather spend my time getting advice from those couples instead.
7. Anything Can Be a Date.
Ed and I actually both share the same love language – quality time – so anything we get to do together sometimes turns into a date. Whether it’s grocery shopping, browsing the nearest Barnes & Noble, taking a drive, walking at the park, or just watching a moving at home, we can spend quality time together without having to spend money to go see a movie or eating out at a fancy restaurant.
Find out what your love language is HERE.
8. Make Time for Specific Date Nights (or Mornings!)
Working in ministry brought about different months of packed calendars, late nights, meetings, and preparing for events that sometimes make it difficult to find time together on regular date nights.
That’s why Ed and I had to plan them out on the calendar. Sometimes the typical Friday or Saturday night didn’t work for us so we opted to go out for breakfast on a Tuesday morning or spend a few hours together in the afternoon.
Planning those special dates together will give you something exciting to look forward to in the midst of a busy week.
9. Pray for Each Other
I had to learn early on in our marriage that I am not going to be able to meet 100% of Ed’s needs – and that is totally okay! I’m not supposed to. Jesus is the only One Who can do that.
So in those times where all I could do was listen to Ed talk about what he was dealing with and give him a supportive hug, I could pray for him. You can never pray too much for someone you love!
10. Cherish Every Moment
I know this last one is so cliche, but it’s so true that time goes by SO FAST. Cherish every moment you get to spend together, whether it’s washing the dishes, walking hand in hand into Target, or just reading books together cuddled on the couch.
If you’re engaged, newly married, or even if you have been married for years, click below to download The Ultimate Christian Marriage Resource!
This PDF has links to over 60 resources – books, free printables, podcasts, blogs, etc. – to help strengthen your marriage. You can download it for FREE right now!
